Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Nashville Star Week 1 and the Fun Has Just Begun!

Get excited! Stormy and Nashville Star are both back, and better than ever, if Stormy does say so herself!


Out West in Telluride, Colorado, Stormy was slaughtering the slopes, counting down the days to the launch of Nashville Star--Season 5. Casually perched by the fireplace, sipping a sinfully delicious hot chocolate, Stormy’s cell phone rang. Carefully balancing the hot chocolate in one hand while rifling through her purse with the other, Stormy found her phone just in time to see a missed call from her best girlfriend, Dina. Fortunately, Stormy’s cellular service was working amid the beautiful Rocky Mountains because it was Dina who reminded Stormy that she needed to return to Music City in time for the show. As sure as it was 22 degrees outside, Stormy packed her bags and hopped the first plane back to Nashville, and just in time.


Stormy and Dina arrived at the Acuff Theatre and settled into our VIP seats, a routine to which Stormy has grown embarrassingly accustomed. While Stormy anxiously awaited with shameless joy and anticipation the arrival of this year’s crop of talent, Dina was transfixed on the judges, in particular, Country Music Hall of Famer and former Alabama lead singer, Mr. Randy Owen. Or, as Dina refers to him, her “Dixieland Delight.” Well, remember when Alabama had that really big hit song--”Tennessee River”--with the line about the . . .mountain man? Well, that term might be used to describe Dina’s “Dixieland Delight.” Upon closer inspection, Dina was no longer delighted; she was merely a “lady down on love.”


In keeping with last year’s trend, Stormy immediately noticed that the folks at the USA Network had secured one-name artist Jewel to follow in the footsteps of last year’s host, Wynonna. In not keeping with the show’s theme, country music, was there not a single country music artist willing to host the show? Stormy guesses not. And if the fine folks at the USA Network are reading (and, of course, they are), might you give some much-needed attention to the Nashville Star website. Vern “The Voice” Gosdin’s name is misspelled, as is Grand Ole Opry superstar Miss Emmylou Harris. Shame on the Webmaster who let those typos slip by!


Now, Stormy gives you what you came for: her exclusive review of the show and the talent she saw!


Texan Kacey Musgraves, who hails from the sweet potato capitol of the world, kicked things off with her rendition of The Wreckers’ “Leave the Pieces.” Well, it didn’t leave Stormy in pieces, but Kacey has potential. As for the Judge Randy, “sweet potato pie and shut your mouth, Randy!” That awkward segue from “keep it acoustic Kacey” to “what a great band!” Smooth, Randy, really smooth.


When Stormy read Whitney Duncan’s profile on the USA Network website, Stormy thought that she had found a kindred spirit in this fellow Don Williams fan. However, when you chose to introduce yourself to the viewing audience by admitting your lack of regular hair hygiene and you “hope people like it,” well, Stormy had second thoughts. Judge Randy, like a college professor who was awakened mid nap, urged Whitney to “watch her notes.” Well, Stormy concurs. Notes to yourself, Whitney, little reminder notes: lather, rinse and repeat, whether you think you need to or not. “Are You Ready for a Thing Called Love?” Well, Stormy is here to tell you, you’ll get no lovin’ with smelly hair.


After Angela Hacker’s smokin’ performance of “You Don’t Even Know Who I Am,” Stormy feels quite certain that the audiences in the theatre and at home put pen to paper and made a note of it. Just so you know, Stormy on more than one occasion has taken the stage at Krazy Karl’s Karaoke and literally brought the house down with her lung-bursting
performance of that Patty Loveless classic. To the extent that Krazy Karl has said, “no more.” Miss Patty Loveless aside, Angela is the only person Stormy has heard lately who could give her a run for her money. And, Anastasia points to Randy as a style mentor for Angela? Come on, Anastasia. If Angela was underdressed for Wal-Mart then Randy may not be properly attired for a trip to Stormy’s friend Don’s next garage sale. Honey!


As much as it hurts Stormy to agree with Anastasia, Rickiejoleen, your performance of “Boondocks” was just pitchy. With a name like Rickiejoleen, Stormy was expecting a country voice bigger than Cowboy Troy’s belt buckle. However, if you can’t correct those pitch problems, your career may be shorter than Jewel’s skirt.


Meg Allison delivered a bluesy, sultry version of “Walkin’ After Midnight” that had Stormy ready to take a late-night stroll. Have you, Meg, been sharpening your vocal chops at Krazy Karl’s on Tuesday night? Because that’s the only evening Stormy doesn’t make it to Karl’s because, well, it’s her ultimate poker game, every Tuesday.


Has Stormy ever mentioned that she’s a huge Pat Green fan? Well, she is, and you, David St. Romain, put the motion in Stormy’s ocean with “Wave on Wave.” Stormy is so impressed that she is going to overlook the fact that your last name sounds just like the lettuce upon which Stormy’s grilled Ahi tuna was served atop at lunch today. Country music is just like leafy green vegetables, we all need several servings a day, and Mr. St. Romain just might satisfy our recommended daily allowance.


After Zac Hacker’s performance, Stormy was asking, “What is in that Hacker family gene pool?” Immediately thereafter, Stormy was asking, “who gave Judge Randy that darn ink pen that he so annoyingly gestured with throughout the evening?” And finally, Zac was the last straw, and Stormy simply had to ask, “Why does every wannabe male country artist dress like a Rascal Flatts reject?”


Stormy’s award for Worst Song Selection of the Evening goes to Mr. Tim LaRoche. Tim might have had the best voice of the lot, but we’ll never know because he chose the Charlie Daniels classic “Devil Went Down to Georgia.” Tim, honey, the devil is in the details, not Georgia. Song selection has been the downfall of many a would-be honky tonker. Just ask Krazy Karl.


Joshua Stevens, one word from Stormy: Relax! Maybe while you’re cooped up in the posh Gaylord Opryland Resort, you should visit the spa. Unwind. Shake off the stress. Chill, dude. That is Stormy’s wish for you.


Dustin Wilkes revved up the audience with Travis Tritt’s hit, “Put Some Drive in Your Country.” Stormy felt like you went from first to third gear, then you stalled. And if Stormy’s not mistaken, you had the two fastest gears ahead of you. Like Blake, Stormy immediately saw the resemblance between Dustin and Darryl Worley. But Stormy breathed a sigh of relief when you didn’t make us endure a song that forces a rhyme between “Bin Laden” and “forgotten,” and for that, Stormy is more grateful than you’ll ever know. By next week, Stormy is certain Dustin will be firing on all eight cylinders. Zoom, zoom, zoom.


Although we said “goodbye” to Rickiejoleen and Tim, Stormy is firmly convinced that this could be the best Nashville Star class ever. And Judge Randy could be Stormy’s most favorite stage-side critic, ever. Every time Blake opens his mouth, he sounds tentative and almost afraid to offer an opinion, but not Randy. He’s not shy about saying what’s on his mind, it’s just a shame that so little of what Randy says actually relates to the performers and their music. Anastasia, well, as usual, she’s somewhere in the middle of it all. In fact, that’s why they give her the middle chair.


For a while, they’re going to miss Stormy down at Krazy Karl’s Karaoke, but Stormy could not be happier. As for Dina, well, she could be. It will take Stormy a good week to get Dina over her “Old Flame.” Meanwhile, Stormy is counting down the days until next week’s show featuring Miranda Lambert. Stormy is hoping she’ll sing that “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” song. It’s been a real crowd pleaser for Stormy at Karl’s on a Saturday night with a full house. Until next week, I’m Stormy Weather, and I’m seeing stars, Nashville Stars, that is!