Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Matt Mason--Abandoned by America!

Stormy is still reeling from last week’s trip to Columbus, Ohio. Of course, there’s no exotic reason to go to Columbus. But Stormy made the trip last weekend to attend the highly-anticipated launch of Tim McGraw and Faith Hill’s “Soul2Soul II” Tour. Stormy was but one of 36,000 screaming fans--in her usual VIP seats--at the Nationwide Arena. Well, Stormy must admit that when that sculpted Adonis-in-a-cowboy-hat Tim rose from that arena floor, Stormy quite honestly felt the earth move under her feet. And then the lovely Miss Faith Hill, looking part country music queen and part Hollywood diva, joined him to sing “Like We Never Loved At All.” The way those two dramatically wailed, not looking at each other. Oh, it gives Stormy goose bumps just thinking about it. By the time Tim finished “Live Like You Were Dying,” Stormy could have definitely taken a bull named FooManChoo. An entire eight seconds, no problem.

If that weren’t enough excitement, Stormy returned to Music City this weekend for the Nashville Film Festival when who did Stormy run into at Robert’s Western Wear? Why none other than 24 star and ultra-hottie Keifer Sutherland. Oh, yes, dedicated and devoted readers, agent Jack Bauer himself, in the flesh--and a mighty fine flesh that is, Stormy might add. Stormy took the opportunity to introduce herself and found Keifer to be most charming. Stormy was only mildly uncomfortable since she has never watched a single episode of 24. As a rule, Stormy does not watch tv shows with numbers in the title. As a result, Stormy has had the good fortune of avoiding such time-robbers as Two & A Half Men, Seventh Heaven, the 700 Club, Three’s Company (reruns, dear, Stormy’s not that old), One Tree Hill and, of course, 24. But what Keifer doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Nor will trying to open bottles with his teeth, but that’s another story for another time.

Right now, Stormy must tell you, devoted and dedicated readers, that Stormy became a bit misty as she settled into her VIP seats for the next-to-the-last-time at the Acuff Theatre. Nashville Star IV was suddenly down to the final four--Chris, Nicole, Casey, and Mattie. Just as Stormy began to tear up, Hank Williams Jr. took the stage to sing “That’s How They Do It in Dixie."

Kudos to the show’s producers on what was a somewhat emotional time killer--Ashley’s tribute to big sister Wynonna. During the commercial break, Stormy hopes that Ashley took Wy aside and gave her a stern talking to regarding that outfit. Flaming hair, wild print, ruffled shirt and a shiny cummerbund combined to make Wy a moving violation on stage. Stop the car!!!

Nicole Jamrose continued Bocephus’ “dixie” theme with her cover of the Dixie Chicks’ “Sin Wagon.” It was Nicole’s strongest performance of the series. Granted, it’s all relative. It was much like a thoroughbred horse who ran a good race, lost by a nose, then took a tumble breaking a leg. Did the planets magically align? Were the cosmic forces at work in your favor? Nicole, the very fact that you are in the final three, vying for the Nashville Star crown, made Stormy stop on her way home and purchase several lottery tickets, hoping that some of that good luck that saved you from the clinches of obscurity might have rubbed off on Stormy. You have a lucky star, Nicole, and you should thank it.

Casey Rivers, Stormy is aware that the judges were more than wowed by your performance of our beloved hymn “How Great Thou Art.” When Stormy visits her Mimmi at the assisted living community on the third Thursday of each month, that’s the No. 1 most requested song from the red hymnal. However, Mimmi, Mimmi’s friends and Stormy don’t sing it with quite that much gusto. We follow the example of Grand Ole Opry star Miss Connie Smith whose a capella rendering of “How Great Thou Art” can silence a full house in just two notes. As she listened, Stormy wasn’t sure if she was back in church or in a Vegas club. You know, Casey, Miss Dolly Parton once said, “There are only three girl singers: Barbra Streisand, Linda Ronstadt and Connie Smith. The rest of us are just pretending.” Stormy thinks you have much to learn from Miss Connie Smith, Casey.

Chris Young, the biggest thing to happen to Murfreesboro, Tenn., since, well, Stormy is still pondering that. It’s a short drive from Nashville, east down Interstate 24 to Murfreesboro. Your performance last night, Chris, may very well have bridged that distance.

Matt Mason, Stormy is not certain that she can write about your wrongful, unjust, unrighteous, unbelievable exit from this competition. When the news was announced, Stormy threw up a little bit in her mouth. Your shirt presented the question, “What would Waylon do?” Well, Waylon would balk at the establishment and rise above it. Take those smokin’ hot good looks, sexy sideburns, and wonderful voice, Mattie, and, as our beloved Miss Minnie Pearl so fondly said, “Bruise your fingertips reaching for the stars.” And don’t forget to put Stormy on your speed dial. If you need a shoulder to cry on, well, pull yourself together before you call. Stormy simply can’t stand to see a grown man cry. Then again, for you, Stormy will make an exception. Someone pass the tissues, please.

And now, one of the moments that Stormy’s dedicated and devoted readers long for, Stormy’s judges’ review. Stormy believes that all four contestants could have walked on stage without a stitch of clothing, and Phil would have remained calm and detached from the competition. Assuming there is a next year and Phil is invited back, surely someone will incorporate a clause into his contract that requires Phil to use at least ten adjectives and/or adverbs per show. Next week Phil, you’ll look back and realize these are eight hours of your life that you’ll never get back. What a waste.

Stormy’s Mimmi always says “money can’t buy good taste or homemade banana pudding.” Well, Anastasia, last night’s ensemble proves Mimmi right once again. Stormy doesn’t dare to think what you wear when the prying eyes of the television cameras are no longer there. Whatever that may be, is it enough to persuade your Music Row powerhouse hubby to sign Casey or Chris should either of them lose this competition? Call your stylist, Anastasia. This could be a fashion emergency.

This week’s illustrious guest judges Scott Weiland Duff McKagan certainly brought a breath of fresh air to the judges’ table. Albeit, not enough to awaken Phil. Now, dedicated and devoted readers, regarding Duff’s reference to Nicole’s performance last week. Raise your hand if you believe that Duff had even thought about, much less actually watched, last week’s episode. Not a single hand? Stormy didn’t think so. Also, a show of hands if you found Duff’s scarf even mildly awkward, strangely out of place and downright ridiculous looking? Stormy is blinded by a sea of hands. Apparently, Duff felt Stormy’s icy stares since he opted to remove the neck wrap and jacket. Granted, Duff did nothing with that hair.

Stormy looks forward to the return of Big & Rich for next week’s big finale. Nicole, Chris or Casey? It’s enough to keep Stormy up all night. That and the three parties Stormy attended before finally calling it a night. Next week, Nicole, Chris or Casey will be dropped . . . . dropped like you are hot. . . . while one of you becomes the next artist signed to the RCA Label Group. Stormy is counting down the days and the strands in the lock of Mattie’s hair that she took home as a souvenir. Until then, I’m Stormy Weather, and I’m seeing stars . . . Nashville Stars!