Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Chris Young--Our New Nashville Star!

By the time you read this, Stormy will be on her way to Moline, Illinois, for Mr. Kenny Chesney’s “The Road & The Radio” tour. From Moline, Stormy will travel to Cedar Falls, Iowa on to Columbia, Missouri, having enjoyed three sold-out concerts with the reigning Academy of Country Music’s Entertainer of the Year. Did Stormy mention she will be providing her dedicated and devoted readers with exclusive coverage of this year’s Academy of Country Music Awards show in Las Vegas on May 24? Well, Stormy is telling you now! Move over LeAnn, step aside Brooks & Dunn and clear a path for Stormy as she takes Sin City.


While Stormy was busy packing tank tops and flip flops for her trip (because both of Stormy’s little love punkins--Kenny and Dierks--love a girl in a little white tank top), she found herself trying to second guess the voters of America. As Stormy turned her condo upside down in search of her Versace sunglasses (all the better to conceal Stormy’s identity as she slips into her VIP seats at the Kenny Chesney concert), she wondered aloud--would it be Casey Rivers, Nicole Jamrose or Chris Young? As Stormy struggled to close her overburdened suitcase, little did she know that Chris would emerge as the winner?


Unbeknownst to the contestants, Stormy spent a little time backstage with everyone prior to the big show at the Acuff Theatre. What charmers! If there’s a tattoo parlor between Music City and Columbia, Missouri, you can expect a “Mattie” tattoo adorning some part of Stormy’s body. Once again, those Versace sunglasses are a true lifesaver and identity concealer. Perhaps Chris will get a formal introduction to Stormy backstage at the Grand Ole Opry when he makes his big debut. That’s a pretty spectacular evening--getting to meet Stormy AND perform on the Opry. Toss in Little Jimmy Dickens and Porter Wagoner (not literally, of course, because that would hurt) and Chris can say he’s died and gone to heaven.


Of course, Stormy was thrilled when the cast joined Jason Aldean for the ensemble performance of “Hicktown.” Then, with parting words of goodbye and good luck from Wynonna, Nicole was eliminated. Can Stormy see a show of hands . . . did anyone think Nicole looked the least bit surprised? Not a single hand? Nope, Stormy didn’t think so. Let’s just hope she doesn’t try to sneak those crying toddlers of hers onto the tour bus.


Stormy especially enjoyed the little showdown between Casey and Chris on “I Like It, I Love It.” While Stormy is certain it served as much to fill 90 minutes of prime time television when 60 would have been adequate, it was nice to see the guys share the stage. Chris proved himself to be suave and cool (winking at Stormy never hurts), while Casey irritated Stormy by constantly handing out high fives to those closest to the stage. The constant motion of that dangling fringe on his jacket made Stormy motion sick. Casey did, however, slightly redeem himself on “Don’t Rock the Jukebox.” (Casey, Stormy simply hated those jeans, and she just couldn’t sleep if she didn’t tell you the honest truth. And another thing--that soul patch is doing nothing for Stormy while we’re on the subject of “things about Casey that bother Stormy.” A soul patch is so last year; it just makes for a dirty chin.) All that aside, Stormy found it quite apparent that Chris was going home in that sweet new ride after the show. If Stormy isn’t mistaken, he promised her a ride as soon as Stormy’s back in town. Since Chris is now going to perform on the Grand Ole Opry, she’s certain that he’ll become a faithful opry.com reader. So, Chris, here’s a gentle reminder--call Stormy.


As for the clip segments, those video moments served not as much to remind us of the incredible Nashville Star journey, but more so to spotlight Phil’s t-shirt collection. Laundry day around Phil’s house must be a real chore. And speaking of wardrobe, where did Wynonna get Stormy’s Mimmi’s housecoat? Stormy distinctly remembers stealing that away and giving it to Goodwill two years ago. And Big Kenny, that hat and striped coat were quite the nod to election day! Stormy also got a little giggle watching as Anastasia’s tan progressed over the past eight weeks. And as Stormy is typing “tan,” she’s actually using her fingers to create air quotes around the words “tan” just to emphasize how very “mystic” the “tan” looks. Stormy wonders . . . who was responsible for nudging Phil to let him know the show is over and he doesn’t have to come back next Tuesday? Because Stormy is not convinced that Phil knows that yet.


Well, Stormy has a bus to catch, on her way to Moline to see Kenny, Dierks, and Jennifer Nettles . . . oops, Stormy means would-be duo Sugarland. You’ll next hear from Stormy as she reports from Las Vegas for the Academy of Country Music Awards. Yes, what happens in Vegas usually stays in Vegas unless there’s a “storm” in the desert. Somewhere, fruity drinks with tiny umbrellas are calling Stormy’s name. Until next time, I’m Stormy Weather . . . and I’m seeing stars!